|
In that empty room downstairs I often wondered if I'd find you there
What happened to the promises we shared?
Clothes and books and spider carcasses dried up in your lair
Boards that moved and the smells of you lingered in the air
I reached out to find you
Called out to remind you
That we are still here
In that empty room downstairs the darkness hides that you're not there
What happened to the memories we've yet to share?
Swords and mirrors and ghosts will haunt me there
Shadows of another time will strip my mind bare
I reached out to find you
Called out to remind you
That I am still here
We're growing old
Time disappears
A distant place
Another year
And all I am is rust and homegrown fear
________________________________________
Still a work in progress |
|
I often wonder what became of you my fine amphibian friend
It's been two years since we last spoke so where do I begin?
Whatever happened to the fairy tales my mind unveiled
A dream you cannot reconcile
So you cloaked yourself in mystery and darkness to erase the space
I hid my face
It's been two years since we last spoke my fine amphibian friend
And if we were to talk today well where should I begin?
When you opened your mouth an ankh fell out broken, warped and vile
I faked a smile
Kept me at bay for another day in shadows where it was safe to play
You walked away
Dearest little one or so it seemed
What part was real, which parts were dreams?
Another sunless son's day has begun and ended without kiss
Oh where are you amphibian friend, where are you my prince?
It's been two years now since... |
|
What is this strange
Painful days
Behind my eyes of glossy glaze
I’d hope you’d wait
Love turns to hate
And apathy disseminates
To every bone in this stretch of flesh
The longer I wait the closer to death
_________________________
I wrote this one a while ago while I was at work but never got around to finishing it or posting it but here it is.Current Music: Enigma MCMXC AD |
|
Things are changing and the world ain't right
And here I am again
Lay awake it's 5 at night
Or is it 5 AM?
I traveled down this road before
Can't seem to find my place
An empty hole where my heart had been
And I still see your face
Why am I doomed to a life to lead something other than I am?
What is it with this wicked need to hold your absent hand?
Will I ever see you again?
Will I ever hear your voice?
I know you'll never be again
I'm haunted by your choice
Will I ever find my way?
I'm taunted by defeat
Will the ground decide to stay
Underneath my feet?Current Mood:  pensive Current Music: Arai Akino |
|
I did something that I never should have done
Dropped my shade and looked directly at the sun
I'd rather see your picture than read one thousand words
I tell myself the same old lies I pretend I've never heard
Who are you and who am I? Same old guy but flashes lie, memories die, I'm forced to spy.
Where are you and where am I? Places deny. Place is a sty. No time to try.
Under the guise of liquid bread I find the courage
Corners of my mind unfold from black and white to grey
Sounds dance between the walls of matter and of space
Until I cannot explain
Why
When
How
Dancing with the sandman
Avoiding the night
Words seem trite
Refresh the scene
Again and again
One more time and I
I expect an end |
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
I traveled down the River Road one day
To catch her waiting in her own warm way
A sparkle from her eye enough to blind
Brighter than the gleam her smile shines
It was something that you said
something that you said that ate into my head
It was something that you said
And by my blade I bled
To hear the sound of buses going by
Reminds me that the city's still alive
The velvet fire parts the soulful side
Then finds the sun and I dancing to hide
TBC
Apr. 5th, 2009 @ 09:42 pm
|
| » Last Star |
|---|
You were the last star that I saw
You were the last straw I would draw
Why can't I help how I feel?
Why can't I stop? Why can't I heal?
Between two and the third it does seem
Lost all but what's found in a dream
But a dream can only take me so far
Are you all that you said that you are?
And years betrayed by the bells
Not just one but the same
Is anyone safe from this hell?
Does anyone win at this game?
I'll be your sun I'll be your shade
You'll be my life you'll be my grave
----------
Written 12/20/2007
Mar. 2nd, 2009 @ 03:59 pm
|
| » The Lunatic |
|---|
I still
Still think
Of you
Of you
Had a dream
Dreamt about
About you
You and I
Don't let it be lies
When I open my eyes
Cause some things last a long time
As they say...
As they say...
Jan. 9th, 2009 @ 04:13 pm
|
| » Atlantis |
|---|
Say you will
My breath's held still
Say you won't
I can't go on
Arrived by heart
Ripped at the seams
Collide in my head
Through distances dreamed
Betrayed by my thoughts
Cut off my sleeve
And I always knew love
In time that you'd leave
Days gone grey
Nights gone by
Caught on you love
But you just deny
How could I expect
Fantastical bliss
To know you my love
To find Atlantis
But say you will
And I'll hold my breath
Drowning forever
In your sweet caress
But say you won't
I can't go on
And we never will
Find Atlantis
_________________________________
Original Publish Date: 9/5/06 at 15:21
Revised on 5/12/08 for a mix I wrote on jamstudios
Mood/Music/Location kept the same for preservation
May. 12th, 2008 @ 04:40 pm
|
| » Cherry Blossoms |
|---|
Poisoned my mind again
I need the rain to cleanse my thoughts and then
Spring time came and that is when
The flowers fell to hell
Covering the path where I
Laid out my plans for them to dry
Shriveled up and left to die
Do you remember when?
When we were one
When my eyes shone brighter than the sun
When I thought you thought the same
And in my head I played the game
Why does everything remind?
Why is it always at this time?
Another day and still I find
You left me here alone
And she sings songs so sad
And I can't help but think
How it seemed so real to me
And how you watched me sink
Down low
You don't call and you don't know
You don't care, you didn't stay
It doesn't matter anyway
Cause life is better for you still
I'll swallow down this bitter pill
Lonesome low as she does say
That is the everyday I pay
When do my words reach you?
I know you'll never see
When do my words reach you?
How sad we'll never be
Kill my imagination
Kill any hope I hold
It's been too long
Enough's enough
Enough's enough
I fold.
Apr. 2nd, 2008 @ 12:44 am
|
| » Trains |
|---|
How would it be to see your face now?
(In the back of my mind sometimes)
How would it be to see your face now?
(In the back of my mind sometimes)
I used to crave your embrace
But now I can hardly think of you
How things have changed, this is not what I wanted
I had dreams of what was to be
And the little things make me think of the days when I used to hear trains
Is it so strange you don't eat my brain anymore
Or do you?
And when it comes - it's here
I can't run, I can't hide
And when it goes - it's near
So I just shrug it off and turn over
The sounds that made me wonder are silent
The bells they'll always ring blue
So tired of chasing the cars in my head left suspended in time by you
The maid she has found a new lover
A doctor who's blind to his fate
I've taken the fall from ecstasy's high
October has closed the last page
Jan. 22nd, 2008 @ 08:30 am
|
| » J'aime la Lune |
|---|
Now, nice, this is all new
Changed, morphed, inspired by you
I knew what she meant
The colors they blend
Riding on rivers of dips and ascents
Ready? Run! At the sound of the gun
"Wait! Stop!" signaled the cop
I knew what he meant
my heart and my head
When I said j'aime la lune
I didn't mean for you
To only plant your seeds
Once every full moon
Come back to me I'll come back to you
Aug. 7th, 2007 @ 12:35 am
|
| » Lake View |
|---|
Same old routine every morning
But this morning was different
I woke up thinking about you
I thought that I had fixed that
One more hit on the clock
Another hour to sleep
It's safe in my dreams
Cause we'll never speak
Nor see one another
Nor stand side by side
I never got to hold your hand
All I got was lies
Do you think you'll ever know that feeling
Of floating in the ocean alone
Floating, surrounded by the water
Waiting and waiting for rescue
Whoever would have thought that a place so cold
Had a hell on earth lake view
_
_______
Written 8.7.07
Aug. 7th, 2007 @ 12:14 am
|
| » Our Hell - Emily Haines |
|---|
First went wrong is hard to find
We’re paralyzed, we apologize
Our hell is a good life
Last went wrong, where’s my prize under the lights
Can we call it in?
We’ll be on the road
Can we stop?
When we stop my back will turn your face toward the fence
What I thought it was it isn’t now
All this weight, is honest worse
We’re moderate, we modernize
till our hell is a good life
All we know what to forget… how to do right
Coloring in the black hole
Can’t we stop, when we stop
My hands will shake, my eyes will burn
My throat will ache, watching you turn
From me toward your friends
What I thought it was it isn’t now
What I thought it was it isn’t
Punishment to stall what is done
What I thought was in is missing out
What I thought it was it isn’t now
There’s a pattern in the system
There’s a bullet in the gun
That’s why I tried to save you
But it can’t be done
May. 27th, 2007 @ 10:16 am
|
| » My Daze |
|---|
Every day gets easier when I don't miss you
And Spring doesn't seem so far away
But still I can't shake your multi colored sketches
I'll wonder for the rest of my days
To write you a letter
Or call on the phone
Type on the wire
I'd just like to know
A message above in the clouds to be gazed
I'll wonder for the rest of my days
Thought that I knew you
But how could that be
When all of this time I don't even know me
Shifted the blame when in fact it was clear
The only one guilty was the man in the mirror
And I hope that I see you in my crystal ball
Happy and healthy and loved
Thank you for being what I needed then
A gift from the heavens above
But no more shall I wander the streets in a haze
Content to wonder for the rest of my days
May. 26th, 2007 @ 12:23 pm
|
| » Restart |
|---|
End of the week, end of my time
End of the song it's my nursery rhyme
End of the journey, trying to find
Two roads diverged in the wood of my mind
Sink to the bottom with no air to breathe
Caught in a vacuum of sincerity
Lost to the planets and numbed by the sun
What you have done ended the fun
My friends they don't know me
My father don't get me
My mother where is she?
Move back to the city
End of the movie let the credits roll
End of the keg at my watering hole
End of the vision that I had of us
All of my wishes have crumbled in dust
Opened the valve, opened the vault
Turned back to look, made pillars of salt
Can't battle the demons, can't conquer the pain
Day to day fight just to remain sane
My friends they don't know me
My father don't get me
My mother where is she?
Move back to the city
My brothers are busy
My sisters are far
My muses face frozen by the brighest star
No more inspiration
No more conversation
No more celebration
Just pure deprivation
No more adoration I'm all out of heart
End of the cycle
Time to restart.
May. 25th, 2007 @ 11:26 am
|
| » Numb is the new high.... |
|---|
Here are some lyrics from a song by Emily Haines - the album is called Knives Don't Have Your Back. I've been in a really dark place lately. I really hate this pain - I'm hurting so much - you see....I've lost a friend - someone I really care about - somone I've cared about more than anyone in the past few years. I can only take solace in my music - this album has been vital to my survival. Every song I can apply to how I'm feeling right now. The bolded section is particularly meaningful to me. Numb is the new high indeed.
Nothing and Nowhere
Sketch of your faces I still don’t know you, you aren’t permanent. You
want all of our moments stolen, blind alleys and hallways to basements.
How are you gonna hide till you disappear? Nothing and nowhere is
golden.
Apartments are cages I still don’t know what is permanent. Maybe all my
possessions were precious. Truth is, all my possessions I somehow lost
them.
Been traveling so light, when we’re floating by it seems nothing and
nowhere is golden.
Some say we’re lost in space, some say we’re falling off the page
Some say our life is insane but it isn’t insane on paper
Playgrounds are graveyards and all of our scars are permanent. There’s
no replacement for places. I’ll always love you, you’re mine. Numb is
the new high, all memories die out ‘till nothing and nowhere is golden.
Some say we always only wanna get off, some say our hands are much too
soft.
Some say our life is insane but it isn’t insane on paper.
Some say our hair is in our eyes, some say we’re out of our little
minds. Some say our life is insane but it isn’t insane to have to ask.
May. 23rd, 2007 @ 05:32 pm
|
| » The Highs and Lows |
|---|
Here it is another day and your silence is my enemy
My one and only left me feeling high
Your promises of cafes half way around the world
Whatever happened to them?
Standing in the mirror and I don't know what I see
This poor sap looking back at me
He's thinking "where shall I go?"
Gotta run from the low
So many sweet words slice through my eardrums
I can't bring me down to your level
I can't bring you up to the hole where my heart had been
Dreaming doesn't save me anymore
I'm never where I want to be
Can't stop this obsession with what could've been
Is it honesty or biology?
My one and only left me feeling high
My one and only left me feeling high
My one and only left me
My one and only left me feeling low
No where to go, gotta run from the low
Turn to the shadows for comfort
But it's black outside
May. 22nd, 2007 @ 03:23 pm
|
| » Never Been A Case |
|---|
Sexy shadows taunt me from the darkness
Smokey fingers wisping me toward
Moonlit waltzes with the devils son
Still waiting, I'm blind
We're out of time my dear
I don't understand
I thought you could be a man about it
Chanting whispers all around us
Floating on by
Stars and planets collide in this visceral time
Still waiting, on mine
No clues left to define
I get too close
You disappear
There's never been a case of
misunderstanding like this
May. 14th, 2007 @ 09:53 pm
|
| » Remember Again |
|---|
Rememeber remember it was the end of September
That was when you were banished away
I never thought I'd see your perfect little face
Again, not again
Remember remember your voice was so tender
You wrapped me in the smoke of your lies
Covered my skin, burned my eyes
Again, not again
And now what do I do since you have left me again
Is it me thats finally repenting my sin
I don't understand why I do this to me
First thing when I wake, last thing before sleep
Again and again, not ever again
Remember remember there was no goodbye
I wanted to die, and here I still sigh
Two seconds is more than enough and I cry
Again, not again
Remember remember what I did for you
I thought that youd miss me I wanted you to
I'd do it again, give the world to you
Again, not again
And now what do I do since you have left me again
Is it me thats finally repenting my sin
I don't understand why I do this to me
First thing when I wake, last thing before sleep
Again and again, not ever again
Hello my coward, goodbye my friend
Apr. 9th, 2007 @ 09:33 pm
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
paulywogs's journal